How to plan a first look at your elopement or wedding

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Around 90% of my couples choose to have a first look on their wedding day, regardless of whether they are eloping by themselves or having an intimate wedding ceremony with friends and family present.

What Is a First Look, and Should You Do One?

A first look is a private moment before the ceremony, where you and your partner see each other fully dressed in your wedding clothes for the first time on your wedding day.

There are a few reasons why couples choose to do a first look instead of the more traditional reveal moment when walking down the aisle:

For elopements, many couples don’t have that traditional walking down the aisle moment, so instead they choose a first look because it feels like the most poignant way to see each other all dressed up before their vow exchange.

For intimate weddings, a first look is an opportunity to share a quiet and often emotional moment alone with your partner before the ceremony.

However, first looks aren’t always only between the two people getting married. I’ve also photographed first looks between the couple and their parents, siblings, and even best friends.

Does a First Look Take Away From Walking Down the Aisle?

Some couples worry that doing a first look takes away from that moment of seeing one another when you walk down the aisle. In practice, it doesn’t; it just changes it. The aisle moment becomes calmer and more present, because you’ve already gotten the nervous energy and tears out of the way. Many couples tell me that they still felt incredibly emotional during their ceremony, but having the first look helped them feel less nervous.

However, I still have some couples who want to save that first look moment for walking down the aisle to their ceremony, and that’s perfectly valid too.

Choosing your first look location

The exact location for your first look will depend on the timeline for the day, as while this is an important moment, I do recommend doing it either close to where you’re getting ready, or close to the location where you’ll be having your ceremony. If you have too many different locations, you run the risk of delays creeping into your schedule.

When it comes to the exact spot, look for somewhere that offers you some privacy over simply a pretty backdrop. Usually the first look is one of the most emotional parts of the day, so you should be in a place that allows you to feel comfortable to feel (and express) your feelings without worrying about other people.

If you don’t already have a location in mind, that’s totally fine. I usually pick the location for the first look for my couples after we’ve discussed how they want to do the first look.

When to Schedule Your First Look

This might seem like a really obvious thing, but it’s often more complex than you might think. The first look typically happens at the start of your wedding day, after you are dressed, and before the ceremony. But depending on whether you’re eloping or having an intimate celebration, and the timetable for the day, the exact time and location for the first look may need some consideration.

For weddings and elopements that don’t involve a sunrise ceremony, the first look will usually take place at or near your accommodation (as most couples are staying at the same place). This removes the need to co-ordinate transport and timings to make sure that you both arrive at your first look location at the right time, and without accidentally seeing each other.

Why Sunrise Elopements Make the First Look More Challenging

Sunrise elopements are magical, but they do make planning a first look more complex. Most of my sunrise elopements involve getting ready together at a hotel or apartment while it’s still dark outside (so there’s no natural light), then travelling to the trailhead in the dark too. While it’s possible to do the first look in the hotel/apartment, usually the space is small, and the lighting is bad. (And while I could simply use flash photography for these darker spaces, I don’t personally feel it’s appropriate for this moment. Flash is distracting, and I want you to be fully present in this moment).

Here are some of the ways I’ve worked around this challenge with couples in the past:

Embrace the imperfect, and have the first look in the place where you are getting ready. The space and lighting may not be ideal, but the moment itself is still very real.
Go separately to the first look location; however, this often means taking two cars, which can be a problem for later in the day. Also, if you’re already nervous, I’d rather you didn’t need to drive. When I’ve used this approach before, it’s been when there’s also been a planner involved, or the makeup artist was able to bring one of you in their car before they went home.
Go together to the first look location; this works when one of you is in the front of the car, and one in the back. So avoid accidentally seeing each other; either one of you wears a blindfold, or we fashion a privacy screen between the front and the back of the car.
You hike in normal clothes and change on the mountain right before your first look.
Stay overnight in a mountain hut. That way, you’re already on the mountain for sunrise, making it much easier to do your first look right after getting ready.

Deciding on how the first look will happen

You’ve probably seen a number of different ways that couples do first looks, but most of them happen in one of a small number of ways:

The “Tap on the Shoulder”

This is probably the most common way to do a first look, and the one you see regularly in first look photos. One partner slowly walks up behind the other one, and taps them on the shoulder. This typically works well for photos, as both of you are relatively close together when you see one another for the first time, and I can stand side-on from you, so that I can capture both of your reactions.

The “Walk Up”

This is very similar to the shoulder tap, but some couples prefer this option. It still usually involves one person walking up behind the other, but instead of getting close enough to tap them on the shoulder, you tell them when to turn around (or I do), and watch them walk towards you for those final few steps until you come together.

Carrie & Alex chose this option, as he wanted to have the experience of her walking towards him, similar to if she was walking down the aisle. Due to the limitations of the location, sometimes it’s not possible to capture both people’s reactions at once. Alex & Carrie decided they wanted me to stand behind her, so that I could capture his reaction as he turned around while she was walking towards him.

The “Simultaneous Reveal”

This approach works well if you have somewhere where you can both wait without being able to see one another.

This was the approach that Alaina & Victoria chose for their mountain hut elopement. There was a small chapel next to the hut, and they emerged from either side to see each other at the same time.

For Ali & Kelsey, they didn’t have a building to hide behind, but they did want to do a first look where they both saw each other at the same time. They both walked into the meadow separately, shielding their eyes by looking at the floor as I walked in front of them, and I put them into place. Once they were both ready, I gave them the signal to turn around.

How to do a first look when you only have one getting-ready room

Not every couple has the luxury of two getting-ready suites. Especially for elopements, couples are often staying in a single hotel room or apartment for their whole trip, which often raises a real logistical question: how do we get ready separately when there’s nowhere separate to go?

Creative Ways to Get Ready Separately in a Small Space

A few workarounds that have worked well for past couples:

Choose your accommodation with this in mind. When booking your accommodation, look for somewhere with separate spaces or access to communal areas.
Stagger your timing. One partner gets ready first and steps out for a coffee run, a walk, or just waiting in the car, while the other finishes up.
Speak with your accommodation. I’ve had hotels offer couples a spare room for an hour, or out-of-hours access to the spa area, so that one person has a comfortable place to wait.
Loop in your photographer early. Let them know about the space constraint when you book. I plan around it all the time, and it’s much easier to solve with advance notice than when I arrive there in the morning.

When the moment finally arrives

There are a lot of viral images and photos online of first look moments that were particularly emotional or like a scene from a movie. And that can put a lot of pressure on this moment. I’ve captured so many first looks now that I know the reality isn’t always picture-perfect.

Not Everyone Cries, and That’s Ok

I never want a couple to feel like they did the first look “wrong” because they laughed instead of cried, or felt calm instead of overwhelmed. Real reactions vary a lot: relief, nervous laughter, quiet stillness, big emotion, cheers of excitement, or sometimes, a mix of all of it. Try not to walk in with an expectation of how you think you’re supposed to feel, or how you want your partner to react. Whilst this is an emotional moment, let’s be honest. It is also a staged one to some extent, and that may impact how you react. Just let it be whatever it is, and enjoy it.

Why the Photos Might Not Look Like Pinterest (and Why That’s Ok too)

Sometimes a hand blocks a face. Sometimes one partner turns their body away without realizing it, and the “reveal” shot isn’t as clean as the ones you’ve saved for inspiration. That’s a real, common part of documentary-style photography like mine. While I will try to set you up and give you instructions before the moment happens, once things are in motion, I’m not going to intervene, because I want you to be in the moment. And when you see the photos afterwards, I want them to bring back the memories of that moment and remind you of how you felt. We’ve got the rest of the day to take more “posed” photos.

Real First Look Inspiration

Lora & Betsy hiked to a mountain cabin, where they got dressed on either side, so as not to see one another. Once ready, they emerged from either side to have their first look.

Taylor & Caleb got ready separately and had first looks with their parents and friends in different areas of their chalet before they saw each other. Then they shared their first look a short walk away, so that this moment was private between them.

Ally & Nancy did their hair & makeup together in the living room of the holiday apartment that they rented, then went into separate bedrooms to get dressed. They had their first look in the garden of their holiday apartment.

Ben & Sai got ready in different rooms in a mountain hut (their bedroom and a meeting room), and shared their first look outside.

Maari & Jonathan got ready in separate rooms in a mountain hut (their room and my room), had their first look in the room, and then we hiked in the dark to the location for their sunrise ceremony.

Trang & Shawn got ready separately in their chalet. We drove to the first look location in two separate cars, as one of them drove with the wedding planner, and one with me. They shared their first look on the mountain at sunrise.

Megan & Ben helped each other get ready instead of doing a first look, as Megan knew she’d be feeling anxious and Ben’s presence would help calm her nerves and reassure her.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do we have to do a first look? No, it’s entirely optional. Maybe a first look feels too traditional to you, or you want to get ready together because you feel calmer in each other’s presence. Then get ready together instead. I actually love photos of couples getting ready together. But if the traditional aisle reveal matters most to you, you can skip the first look and plan more time for photos of the two of you alone later in the day.

What if the weather doesn’t cooperate? Just like with every other part of your wedding day, the weather will be something you can’t control, and will have to be flexible with. If it’s raining or stormy, you may want to choose a first-look location that’s more sheltered, or adjust the timeline for the day to avoid a passing storm (if possible).

Will it take away from walking down the aisle? No, many couples say it makes the aisle moment calmer and more present, since the initial nerves and emotion are already out of the way.

What if my partner or I don’t cry? Does that mean something’s wrong? Not at all. Reactions vary widely, and there’s no “correct” way to feel in the moment.